Thursday, December 22, 2005

pen name

some people were wondering why i use a pen name so i figured a little explanation was in order. It started when i was a young teen, trying to find an identity while disconnecting myself with the one i had. so one day while meeting some new friends i lied and pretended to be someone different. it was a chance for me to study myself and evaluate my personality. i used these friends as guinea pigs for the new me. they never did find out my real name. when i decided i wanted to be a hippy i took on a hippy name. when i decided i'd try goth i gave myself a goth name. my experimentation continues to this day when i tell my kids to call me "mama" . that is my current new name. phyllis sweetwater is my poet, she is also the bitch in me at times. sweet water is the one substance in life that i love and need the most, it ties me to earth and it binds me to life. it is beautiful and dangerous. it is peaceful and it is out of control. that's why i do it.

Monday, December 12, 2005

i'm a feminist

i really believe that women should have the ultimate say over their own lives. i think nobody should boss them around and nobody should think lowly of them. i believe women should not be treated equal in matters of strength, but we should all be pleasantly surprised when they are stonger. i beleive women should have the right to refuse to do anything dirty, vulgar or overly masculine, but if they choose to, they should not be called a butch. i beleive women have the right of having their mortgage and bills paid by their husbands who are loyal and faithful and never put them down. i believe women have the right to quit their jobs when a career much more noble and important comes along, that being the career of motherhood. i believe women have the right to be the primary caregivers to their own children and have complete control on how they are raised. some women will ask for more than this and blame the male race as their oppressors. they are afraid of becoming dependant on a man. the are afraid of accepting their role in society. it is not supiriority we need, not even equality, it is differential treatment.

Sunday, December 4, 2005

flesh of my flesh

i saw your child face. once gone never to retrieve. not in all eternity. i live in you. you are me. and yet never me. flesh of my flesh. you exsist to show generations that i love you. living art for eternity.

feed me

i blame my parents for alot of things. their difficiancies was a life sentence of blame from me. i hate being wrong about anything so it must have been something they did to me. the horrible injustice of having imperfect parents befalls us all. so what is to be done? we can grow up, learn from their mistakes, have our own children and vow to be so perfect and so proficient at our job that our children will never know we still have this gaping hole in our emotional well being. a hole that is a deep canyon of regret, and unfilled promises of undying support and devotion. our parents will never fill that hole. it is our children that will. we cannot force our parents to try again and get it right this time. their job is done. i am here i am an adult and i am fine. so i hate being wrong, that is not their fault.