Thursday, December 22, 2005

pen name

some people were wondering why i use a pen name so i figured a little explanation was in order. It started when i was a young teen, trying to find an identity while disconnecting myself with the one i had. so one day while meeting some new friends i lied and pretended to be someone different. it was a chance for me to study myself and evaluate my personality. i used these friends as guinea pigs for the new me. they never did find out my real name. when i decided i wanted to be a hippy i took on a hippy name. when i decided i'd try goth i gave myself a goth name. my experimentation continues to this day when i tell my kids to call me "mama" . that is my current new name. phyllis sweetwater is my poet, she is also the bitch in me at times. sweet water is the one substance in life that i love and need the most, it ties me to earth and it binds me to life. it is beautiful and dangerous. it is peaceful and it is out of control. that's why i do it.


elisabeth said...

ah yes the good ol' identity crisis. although the way you describe it, it doesn't sound like a crisis at all. it sounds like fun.
i pretended i was someone else once but it was only for one conversation one evening with one person. it started out because they thought i was someone else so i said yeah, i'm her. then i pretended to be this girl for a bit until we parted ways.
it was fun, it was like i got to leave my real self behind and see what it was like to completely re-invent myself. in high school, i used to dream about moving so that i could start all over again and be someone else, with a clean reputation.
i have to say that i finally like who i am right now and it is taking little effort because it is who i really am. i think once you have kids or once you grow up a bit, you fall into your identity more, and it isn't under any of those categories like goth or prep. although some people have called me a "clean" hippie(not quite a soap dodger), and i guess i'm ok with that. i imagine that when i am 80 i will finally be completely comfortable with who i am. i like getting old for that reason.

eyun said...

I am also filled with many identities. I remember the good ol' days when I (poutine) went out for a night with you (halloween) and Bart (I still have no clue who bart really was). Among my many alter egos are the likes of eyun, sir geets romo, don lee and of course poutine.

phyllis sweetwater said...

ahh poutine. i named you that because you were my valentine and, in keeping to the tradition of using food as an endearing term but still breaking away from the norm, i named you poutine instead of muffin or pumpkin. i used that name so much i actually forgot your given name for a while. every time i have poutine i think of you. and i will laugh when i think of the time you made fun of phyllis sweetwater because you didnt know it was me. i am still halloween. i am still all of those names.

Rus said...

elisabeth really is a soap dodger, don't let her fool you.

phyllis sweetwater said...

rus and liz i am not fooled. soap is highly over rated.