Wednesday, January 25, 2006

what have i become?


so the most recent post on lisbeth's fruit basket has got me thinking about how much i have mellowed out in the last 9 years. 9 years ago i was a periced tatooed punk that loved to hate people. i didnt think anything mattered and i definetly wasnt doing it for the attention. Now i think i am a little too self centered and i try really hard to be considerate an not talk about myself too much. this blog, as my outlet, might not reflect that last statement, but i would like to think in the last 9 years i have greatly improved. let me give you an example: the other day a car came ripping down our street while my kids were out on the front lawn, my neighbour yelled out to slow down and i thought she was completly justified in her comment. the driver just flipped her the bird and yelled f%&* you and kept going. i was furious. i thought how can he be so insensitive, there are children here, cant he think about others? then i remembered that i had once, 9 years ago, done the same thing. i had been in that racing car, caring for no one and trying to tick people off. why? why did i do it? and the only answer i could think of was that i wanted attention. so what did i prove? i proved that i was a textbook rebelious teenager. even when i was trying so hard to break out of every mold, i fit perfectly into one. i am trying not to be disappointed with myself, because i never thought at the time that i would be on the other side of the coin. well lucky me that i grew out of it. it was just a phase just like everyone said it would be.

4 comments:

Seaneria said...

Agreed. I remember DJing at 'The Embassy' night club in Calgary when I was 16... I would DJ Thursday night till about 2:30 or 3:00 friday morning and then run home for 3 hours sleep before going to high school. Now I'm lucky if I can keep my (Fantastic, Beautiful, Talented, Brilliant but none the less NARCOLEPTIC) wife up till 10:30 on a good night. (Even though last night she stayed up till 1:00am watching "Shopgirl"). Oh...and you should hear me rant about the past...just the other day on this bus this fresh teenie girl decked out in emo, of oh ought 14-16, flared up a conversation and was telling me how Kurt Cobain was the most underated musician of all time (because being the posterchild to an entire generation of disenchanted youth to this girl was somehow underated??)...to which I let loose an overprocessed soapbox rant to the nature of "...by accepting his image blindly and buying his T-shirt from the rack next to Eminems merchandise you spit in the face of what he wanted to do...his music isn't even that good...it was good at the time but you missed it, you were like 3 when he was around...It's like buying a Che shirt from Bluenotes...the horror" to which she just looked blankly and I felt like the creepy aging hipster I ought to have. Oh well time to drown my sorrows in my Monster Ballads CD. Halli...i still think your hard core...remember that's the point to "mountainman in my living room", it takes more courage, grit and guts to give so much to a family than it ever did to be a self consumed teenager with no good reason for the angst that drove you....Peace H-Dog I'm out.

Seaneria said...

I can't beleive you still have to approve these comments... this blog should be called "the democratic state of Halli" or "the peoples republic of Halli", cause any place that says in their name they are democratic are usually not and this censorship reeks of the human rights violations... Viva le revolution...viva le revolution... Just kidding. Peace.

phyllis sweetwater said...

ha, you'd be amazed how many times i have to delete inappropriate comments. yes i am open minded, but im still a dictator of my own life. you have to remember that my parents read this blog and i am still trying to impress (protect) them. but i'll accept your revolution and being the caring monarch i will promise to never delete any of your comments.

phyllis sweetwater said...

so sean, you have this talent for inflicting sheepishness on me or maybe its that you saw right through my post like the good psycologist you are and gave my a compliment which was really what i was searching for all along. of course that makes me just want to deny that i ever needed anyone to say, being a mother is harder than being an angst teenager. i can handle it man!